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Wounded Shepherds:
Stages of Injury and Recovery
by
John Schmidt
Each morning, when I check my email, I find
messages from pastors and spouses who’ve been wounded. Some are
from people I’ve been trying to encourage, since hearing their
stories weeks or months earlier. Other messages are the first
cries for help from couples that have just found our website.1
A real life example
One recent email recounted a painful story:
“I am the wife of
a pastor who was forcibly terminated. Revival was so close we
could taste it. New people were coming, but those who held power
in the church were threatened by them, so the power holders
asked for a vote of confidence. At one meeting, 75 percent
of the people who spoke supported our ministry. But not all our
supporters were official members, even though they were faithful
in the nitty-gritty work of the church. The vote was to be taken
in two weeks, and during that time every member was contacted
and manipulated by lies and innuendos to vote against us. We
were voted out. As a result, nearly half the people left the
church. They did not want to condone what really was pastor
abuse.”
Tears filled my
eyes. I cried out to the Lord for their blessing and healing. Then
I paused to focus on her parting statement:
“I don’t know if
any of this is coherent or making sense. I am just very
frustrated. I am on sleeping pills and antidepressants. I have
had thoughts of suicide. I am scared of the future. We were
forced out of the parsonage. Thank you for reading this. Any
help would be appreciated.”
I prayed more earnestly and immediately
contacted her.
I know all too well the devastating impact
this kind of experience can have on a minister and spouse. Here
was a young couple that lost their ministry, home, income,
reputation, church, friends, and hopes for the future. Humiliated,
they were trying to put their life back together. Their wounds are
deep. Once trusting, they are now suspicious of the motives of
church people and leaders. Disillusioned and desperate, they
turned to a stranger’s website for comfort and guidance.
God’s call to help them
I’ve been a pastor for over thirty years. In
1998 the Lord started speaking to me about giving more time to
helping restore wounded and fallen ministers. In early 2001, I met
with a few others to officially begin the Pastoral Advocacy
Network. Since then, we’ve been flooded with requests for help
from injured pastors and spouses.
There is a serious lack of understanding and
help available for wounded ministers. Most people don’t know what
to do for a departing pastor. It’s all so awkward. All they know
is that something went wrong and the pastor and family “left in
the night.” A few months later another minister and spouse take
their place.
But, where do the wounded ministry couples
go? What happens to them? Who cares for them? We might assume
that wounded spiritual leaders recover easily, trusting God and
finding victory, and move to another church to pick up where they
left off. But the truth is, for the majority, life rarely goes
back to normal. They are wounded people who often struggle to
recover in isolation. Seldom are there helping hands ready to
pull them out of their sorrow and pain. They are often forgotten,
left in a dark pit of discouragement.
Let’s remove the cover of that horrible hole,
and glimpse what goes on when a minister is forced out of a
church. The process begins much earlier than the day of
resignation or termination. As I’ve heard story after story, and
looked for a pattern, I’ve seen…
Five Stages in the Process of Injury and Recovery:
The Turmoil
During this time, spiritual enemies seem to
gain a foothold in the church. There are subtle changes in
attitude toward the minister. Once he was held in esteem, but now
there are conflicts and discontentment expressed toward certain
aspect of his work or life. The spiritual battle increases in
intensity almost daily. Pressure on the pastor and confrontations
with certain people grow worse, with no satisfactory resolution.
Even fasting and prayer often fail to turn things around. The
particular events that cause the turmoil vary from church to
church, and pastor to pastor, but this stage is a common one in
most stories I’ve heard.
The Trauma
Eventually, the opposition that’s been
partially hidden comes to a head. Open conflict breaks out, or
secret meetings take place. Either way, it leads to the
resignation or termination of the minister. As a result, there is
deep emotional damage. The pastor, spouse and family experience an
overwhelming sense of rejection and disbelief. The extent of the
injury varies, depending on how ugly things become before the
pastor is forced out. It may range from a minor scratch on the
heart to complete soul crucifixion. Sleeplessness and depression
are common, and often bring a minister and spouse to the point of
despair.2
The Aftershock
This phase is much like the smaller tremors
that follow a major earthquake. It is characterized by great fear
and concerns about practical matters. As time goes on, the minds
of the minister and spouse are pummeled by earthshaking
questions—many more questions than answers: What just happened?
How could this happen to us? How are we going to support
ourselves? Where are we going to live? Who can we trust?
They feel alone, facing problems they never
anticipated. It’s at this time that the pastor and spouse need to
find help; but, they’ve focused on giving their lives to help
others, and it’s difficult to shift that focus to their own needs.
Even if they want assistance, little help is available. The crisis
eventually affects every aspect of their lives: their spiritual
and emotional state, their financial condition, and their physical
health.
They experience something similar to the
grief cycle people go through when a loved one dies. They go from
denial to acceptance of their situation. They walk through a
minefield of painful and challenging emotions and experiences.
This Aftershock chapter in their lives may last up to two years.
It is important for injured ministry couples
to seek help, no matter how difficult that may be. An assessment
of the damage, both emotional and physical, is crucial.
Sleeplessness and depression often result in other problems if
immediate action is not taken. The pain and complications don’t go
away on their own.
The Hidden Battle
The damage that began months or years earlier
in the Turmoil quietly spreads into the everyday life of wounded
shepherds. This phase is unseen by all but the most discerning.
Major problems—such as where to move, how to earn a living,
etc.—may appear to be behind them; but the resulting pain has
burrowed underground to continue its destruction.
Spiritual enemies seek to extinguish the
flame of faith and desire for ministry by using two powerful
weapons: isolation and condemnation. The minister and spouse feel
alone, perhaps no longer intimately involved in the lives of other
believers, or comfortable around “successful clergy couples.”
They’re tempted to mentally replay their failures. “Maybe if we
were more holy or more loving we wouldn’t have lost our ministry.”
They struggle with guilt feelings. Self-doubt and frustration
plague them. They desperately grasp at solutions that seem to
offer hope, but to no avail.
This stage can involve a kind of temporary
blindness. A minister and spouse may lose sight of God’s
faithfulness and grace, of their gifts and calling, or of any
likelihood of a positive future. If they do have dreams of future
ministry, they often can’t find the motivation or power to
accomplish them. Soon after new pursuits begin, dreams evaporate.
They feel paralyzed by an invisible force, held in , hemmed
in by feelings of loneliness and betrayal. They can’t get beyond
the memories of injustice. And they’re plagued with the nagging
question, “Will God ever use us again?”
Some languish in this stage for a long time.
One minister told me he was stuck there for over twenty years.
Misguided individuals may exacerbate the situation by saying, “Oh,
so-and-so left the ministry.” But real shepherds can never leave
the ministry. God’s gifts and call are without repentance.
Paul spoke of a Divine compulsion to minister
when he said, “necessity is laid hold on me….”3
He’d been “grabbed by God” and God wouldn’t let him go. So it is
with the wounded minister. He may not serve in a formal church,
but his calling compels him to serve. Injured pastors don’t need
pity; they need respect, healing and deliverance. Our work is to
set them free to serve again, wherever God leads: inside the
institutional church, in a home fellowship, or in some other
unexpected place.
The Reconstruction Phase
Wounded shepherds need to begin to minister
again, even if they never again do so in a formal church setting.
Healing for injured ministry couples requires affirmation. No
matter what led to a termination, they need encouragers who will
come alongside them and recognize that a gracious God is working
to restore them. They need loyal friends who will affirm them as
“full-fledged ministers” even if they serve outside of a
traditional ministry mold. Though a person’s “professional
ministry career” may have been bulldozed, God can reconstruct a
future ministry out of the rubble.
I sometimes compare the rejection of a
pastor, and what follows, to a Joseph’s Pit Experience.4
It is filled with danger and pain, caused by the rejection of
brothers and sisters (compare how Joseph suffered the rejection of
his brothers, who put him in a pit, and then sold him into
slavery). But, in God’s providence, that rejection can lead to a
new place of service (remember how the LORD
allowed the evil plot to get Joseph to Egypt where he would be
raised up to do an important work, preserving Egypt and his own
family during the coming years of famine). When God allowed Joseph
to be mistreated, and then delivered him, it was not to do
“traditional work.” God had a special place for him that no one
could have anticipated.
Ironically, many who are judged by
traditional churchgoers as having “left the ministry” are actually
doing more for God’s kingdom than ever before. Our definitions
and perspectives of ministry are too narrow. Sometimes, God
allows a pastor to be pushed out of the formal church in order to
reassign him in a “secular job” where he can share the gospel with
needy souls who’ll never step through the doors of our best
sanctuaries.
The Lord’s people need to learn to respect
and honor the call of God on a person’s life, whether that means
being the pastor of a large church or being a “street shepherd.”
What can you do?
Perhaps you’re wondering, “How can I help to
heal hurting shepherds?” Awareness of the problem is the first
step toward a solution. You should know that the problem is not a
small one. Statistics indicate that shepherds are being struck
down in ever increasing numbers. And it isn’t only ministers and
spouses who suffer. Whatever injures them often scatters the
Lord’s sheep as well. People leave the church with every damaged
shepherd’s departure.
Our world can’t afford to lose true
messengers of God. Someone must seek them out, honor them with
actions and words, and help them get moving in ministry again.
Their gifts are needed more than ever. We can’t afford to waste
spiritual resources. Wounded ministers are a vast reserve of
leadership for God’s kingdom.
Has God burdened your heart for injured
ministers and spouses? Pray that he will lead you to another person or two who share that
concern. Then, commit yourselves to find an injured minister or ministry couple and begin
to express compassion and support. Strategize how you might be
able to network with others in the body of Christ to give
practical help to wounded shepherds. They may need assistance
finding work, or a place to live. They’ll certainly need a
listening ear, and encouraging words; but be careful not to spout
a lot of advice. Weep with those who weep. Care for the caregivers
who’ve been hurt. Hurting pastors and spouses need respect and
affirmation. They need someone who’ll love them and their families
back to spiritual health.
Contact us for advice on how you can begin a
NetMender Ministry,5
or assist us in what we’re doing to help wounded shepherds.
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- Our website is
www.pastorsinpain.com . Or, you can contact us by phone at
619-818-2901 or by mail at Pastoral Advocacy Network,
10606-8 Camino Ruiz # 326, San Diego, CA 92126.
- A scriptural exploration of the Turmoil to
Trauma progression can be found on our website in the article
“The Pattern of Enemy Intrusion.”
- Cf. 1 Cor.9:16
- See Genesis chapters 37 and 39-50,
especially 50:20, where Joseph speaks of God’s good purpose
being worked out despite the evil his brothers had done.
- The idea of “net-mending” occurs in
connection with the actual mending or
preparing of fishing nets (Matt.4:21; Mk.1:19). It is
used figuratively in reference to those who equip
or prepare God’s people for the work of ministry
(Eph.4:12), and to describe how spiritual Christians should
restore fellow believers who are overtaken by
sin (Gal.6:1). It is also used to speak of how God’s grace can
equip us, through Jesus Christ, to do the will of
God (Heb.13:21), and restore us and make us
strong (1 Pet.5:10).
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